Words, Irreverence and Repentance

So where to begin.

My mind’s so scrunchy and messy and it trickles down to my heart, and it contaminates that beautiful ground like oil flowing into the ocean.

Then from my heart, my voice speaks like carbon and sulfur into the vast skies through the atmosphere.

Then from the skies from thin air, the particles start coming together to create small broken and fragmented worlds, that grow into jaded, washed up painful mediocre lagging slow moving shackles that keep me in vicious cycles of one step forward and two steps back.

Had another dream again that felt like I failed yet another test.

Why is it so hard to remember scripts from spiritual boot camps when I’m in the middle of warfare?

I radioed the wrong words again

The control tower might be neutral

but I feel like I just spoke myself into another storm or traffic

that the pilots of the other planes are under the control of ‘disobedience’

that crashes become inevitable.

My only way back is to make a U turn and press the refresh button with the Blood of Jesus but my heart feels like stone.

Too heavy to lift

The pull could sink a cruise ship.

My usual ‘mayday’

is to speak in code.

It bypasses my compromised control center like someone else remotely taking control of the controls in the cockpit, bringing the aircraft to safe landing.

I don’t know how the Holy Spirit does it.

When the world was going up in flames,

The message sent out in code

brought parachutes and rescue helicopters with the tune of peace

a soft melody that broke through and put out those flames, and

‘peace that surpassed understanding’.

The Holy Spirit sang songs that turned the stone into vapor

and healing and life into the broken fragmented worlds

the lyrics of Jon Thorlow’s song

“Spirit of Wisdom, open my eyes again

Spirit of Revelation open my heart again..

‘cause I want to see you

Lord I want to  see you

See you rightly Jesus…

I know that Your eyes are like flames of fire

I know that Your head is white as wool

I know that Your voice it sounds like waters

Jesus You’re beautiful”

And the verse

              “The mountains melt like wax

              Before the Lord, before the Lord of all the earth” – Psalm 97: 5

The antidote to irreverence and disrespect is adjustment.

Cleaning the glasses, wiping the windows clean,

Recalculate, realign, readjust to discern and see rightly who Jesus is.

I’m actually always too fearful to say anything disrespectful to the Holy Spirit

but to Jesus there are days when I do the worst and say everything honest and repulsive.

People call it ‘being real’

I understand there’s a place for that.

But the Holy Spirit said otherwise last night.

With the songs He sang to me and the verses He sang into my soul, spirit and body says otherwise.

God said remember who you’re speaking to.

He said God melts mountains like wax

He said Jesus is the One in Revelations

He is King

not king as in the daily use of the word

but the sacred meaning of the word.

The One who has the final say.

The One who’s words carry weight, someone who you tremble in the presence of.

So in this public library as I write up these realizations

I repent of tip-toing the corde lisse of rebellion and lack of reverence towards Jesus.

I can’t take back the life I gave away to Jesus.

It belongs to Him now and He has the right to do anything He pleases with it.

Including the way everything is spaced out in the timeline He put my name on.

I need to respect the covenant I signed up for.

When I accepted the covenant papers that Jesus signed His name in whiplashes, anguish and Blood

and humiliation and undeserved suffering

I should’ve discerned what sacred meant.

Fear of God.

I need those words to flow in my blood stream.

I need to always discern who Jesus is.

In this repentant state of respecting Jesus, I can feel the flowers blooming again.

I can feel the rivers flow from Heaven into my spirit into my soul and into my body.

The rivers of living water have completely brought life into the ground of my heart again.

I feel

Clean.

My mind feels renewed clean, neat, organized with fresh scents from Heaven.

Rivers of living water flowing with beautiful scenic views of trees, vegetation as far as the eyes can see,

              Yellow flowers

              Pink flowers

              Red flowers

With Jesus, the Bridegroom walking with me in the cool of the day.

The Lord Jesus is my Shepherd

I have all that I need.

He lets me rest in green meadows

He leads me beside peaceful streams.

He restores my soul

He renews my strength

He walks me along the right walkways bringing discernment and honour to His beautiful name

I repent.